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Jan. 6, 2008
The New Year's Promise
Looking at America's top 10 New Year's Resolutions draws a pretty telling picture of the American psyche--where we are, where we want to be an what is holding us back. Taken as a whole they suggest that what most people want for their future and for their lives is more health, more joy and more meaning. Heck, who doesn't want that.
And looking at the list as a whole is a pretty good recipe for getting these things out of life. On the one hand, quitting the destructive behaviors--the ones that are polluting the body, that are draining one's savings and financial security--that is a good start. Then, add the behaviors that create health and joy--taking care of our bodies and spending more time with friends, family and in activities that bring us enjoyment.
So-if it is all so clear, what is stopping us--what gets in the way of our ability to make the choices that are good for us. We are human, we are imperfect, we make mistakes. Every year, looking back across the year we will have regret, but how do we make the major changes that will create the lives we want? It's a funny thing about the human species--we are a creature of habit, and somewhat compulsive by nature. If there is one thing Americans are good at--it is “doing.” In her book, The Joy Diet , Martha Beck attributes the entrenched nature of this behavior to Max Weber's classic, The Protestant Ethic and the “Spirit” of Capitalism (Beck, p.9) In his book, it was not cleanliness, but work, hard, fastidious work that was close to godliness. This ethic has produced tremendous economic and technological progress, but at what cost?
Years ago, traveling in India, what was most difficult to adjust to was the pace of life in India--it was so much slower than here in the United States. When my friend and I first arrived, as we walked down the street, we found ourselves passing everyone--compared to the people around us we were walking at break-neck speed--and we were on vacation! Over the course of my 9 weeks there, I spent several hours just waiting. Compare that to how much American's hate to wait. We clear our throats, tap our feet loudly, wave our arms and grow increasingly ansty if we have to wait in line, or wait for service at a restaurant. I remember one day in Lucknow, India, waiting--I don't know how long--for service in a bank. There were no other customers at the bank. There were at least 3 bank workers out front where I could see them, but for whatever reason, they didn't jump immediately to help. They talked among themselves, worked on something--and I had to wait. Patience was a hard, but well learned lesson.
New Year's resolutions to some extent come out of places of regret. Looking back over the past, we tend to linger on where we did not live up, where we were unsatisfied, on where we wish we had been better. It is said, that no one on their death bed looks back and thinks, “I wish I had spent more time at the office.” If there are regrets, they tend to be about the opportunities we missed, or the bad choices we made. And looking back, when we still have the energy and health to do something different with our future, our first impulse is to do more, to engross ourselves in more activity, to demand more of ourselves. We add to what we are so good at “doing.” But what if all this activity is a part of the problem?
One of the most compelling aspects of being human is the quality of searching for meaning, of seeking joy and fulfillment--but the counterpart to that desire is the reality of feeling incomplete, isolated, unfulfilled. And our spiritual resources for dealing with these needs for fulfillment fall far short in our emphasis on “doing.” Many of us live our lives struggling with feeling lost or overwhelmed. Responsibilities, endless to do lists, the balance of demands of work, family, community make it hard for us to sleep and keep us constantly buzzing, keeping track of all that needs to be done. In response, and because of the busy pace of life and many demands, many fall prey to “convenient” methods of dealing with the stress. Alcohol, drugs, television, compulsive shopping used to extremes are prevalent ways of dealing. They become quick fixes to feelings of inadequateness and stress. Others of us, seek success, power, wealth to achieve meaning and a feeling of wholeness. If we just do enough, achieve enough--wholeness, happiness will follow. Eckhart Tolle writes of what poor means we use meet our needs. He writes, “Another aspect of emotion pain is a deep-seated sense of lack or incompleteness, or not being whole. If it is conscious, it manifest as the unsettling and constant feeling of not being worthy or good enough. If it is unconscious, it will only be felt indirectly as intense craving, wanting and needing. In either case, people will enter into a compulsive pursuit of ...things to identify with in order to fill this hole they feel within. So they strive after possessions, money, success, power, recognition, or a special relationship, basically to feel more complete” ( The Power of Now , p. 37).
But neither of these pursuits--merely fulfilling our intense cravings, or striving after material gain--will fill our need for meaning and wholeness. The truth is we already have all the answers--we have all we need to be whole-it is within us if we will only stop to listen.
The first ingredient, or step in Martha Beck's Joy Diet is a simple as it is difficult. It is “to do nothing.” It runs against everything we have been taught about what matters, about what is good and righteous--but she says it is the first step in creating joy in our lives. She illustrates her point drawing on the story of Elijah from the Book of Kings. In this passage, Elijah is hiding in cave, trying to escape a gang seeking to kill him.
And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks into pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake, a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire, a still, small, voice.
Even when or perhaps especially when life overwhelms us, when we feel lost, surrounded, under the proverbial “gun”--salvation, direction are found by first becoming still, to listen for that still, small voice within.
But almost nothing makes us more uncomfortable than doing nothing. We feel we are wasting time, we think of all the things we could be doing instead of nothing--our minds spin full of thoughts of the past and future--stillness is not easy to find. It is a discipline. Our ability to sit with silence, to “do nothing” in a way that helps us find direction, wisdom, wholeness from the center of our being requires practice.
Beck says practice stillness, practice doing nothing for 15 minutes every day. Through this practice, a daily effort, we can discover that wholeness which is already present.
Listen, technology, advancement and progress are wonderful. They make many great things possible. But each new technology, whether it is the washing machine, the microwave or email, purports to make our lives easier, but ruled by an ethic of always doing, of constant activity--the time we save, we quickly, compulsively even, fill with activity. This explains the exponential growth and development of technology and why our lives are no more restful.
In fact, a recent study discussed on NPR talked about how the prominence of multi-tasking that has evolved because of cellphones, email and blackberries has hurt the quality of people's work, their ability to concentrate and their creativity. This is not universal and our children who grow up in this multitasking world may find better ways to manage it, but for those of us who work around the emails bouncing up on screen every few minutes, or cell phones interrupting our driving or writing may wonder what our work would be like if were able to concentrate without any, or very little interruption. The consequences of our constant action are not just lack of concentration. It has had and continues to have devastating environmental consequences. On average, every American makes seven trips in their a vehicle a day. And the average commute time, back and forth to work 5 or 6 days a week, in an individual car is 40 minutes--each way (Parris Glendening, SmartGrowth). Earth sabbath movements have suggested that if every person took one day off a week away from driving and working, if we didn't cook, didn't wash clothes, turned our phones off and rested, we would cut individual energy consumption by 1/7th.
Consumerism and overspending is also a component of our “go go” mentality. Christmas at our house was wonderful. It was great to see my 20 month old son Henry opening presents. But the number of toys (mostly from China, very likely toxic) filled our living room. All I can say is grandparents and aunts and uncles when a little over-board. Cheap goods filled with lead and cadmium cannot, cannot be separated from the shopping frenzy too many of us rely on to fill that craving and desire for wholeness.
And here is why they cannot be separated, in the words of Martha Beck, “the problem is that perpetually doing, without ever tuning in to the center of our being, is the equivalent of fueling a mighty ship by tossing all its navigational equipment into the furnace. Fully occupied by the process of achieving innumerable goals, we lose the ability to determine which goals really matter, and why. Only by connecting with our innate sense of truth can we ensure that the astonishing wealth and power human beings have created will be used for intelligent, benevolent, [and responsible] ends (Beck, p. 9).”
And this is the whole key, whether we are considering the choices we make in how we spend our time, our money, in whether or not to take that next drink, or buy that compelling thing on the internet, or whether we are talking about the use of technology for benevolence or warfare, on whether or not we are leading our world in love or in fear. If we do not take time for stillness, for awareness, we spin our wheels in reaction and in compulsion--rather than finding the innate wholeness and wise direction within.
The wisdom of stillness is ancient--throughout time religion we are called to listen for that still, small voice, to take time for silence, for awareness, for meditation. The teaching reminds us, in contrast to consumerism and overwork and neglect for our lives, health and body--the all we need is already with in us--if we will only listen--that the answers to our sufferings, to our struggles, that the answer to our over-indulgence and self absorption is in turning toward the center of our being--and to realize there the essence of life and our connection to all life.
So, I end, as I often do, with an invitation--I invite you to add to your own list of resolutions, or if you don't make resolutions, then to add to your days--an opportunity to “do nothing.” Seek the emptiness, the silence and stillness. I invite you as Martha Beck does on her Joy diet--add 15 minutes of doing nothing each day.
And as a part of that, let us take this time for an extended time for meditation and silence.
I open our silence with the ancient wisdom of the Taoist teacher, Lao Tzu:
We join spokes together in a wheel, but it is the center hole that makes the wagon move.
We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want.
We hammer wood for a house, but it is the inner space that makes it livable.
We work with being, but non-being is what we use.
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